SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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