I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
