You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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