Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
