Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
