im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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