Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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