i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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