half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
