i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
