1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
