Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
