# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Sober January is a disaster.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
soo... how was my night?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
