Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
