He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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