i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
