The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
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