You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
