I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
