Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
