awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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