u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
