My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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