My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
