Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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