no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
