Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
