You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
