I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
