well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
