I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
