Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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