She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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