I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
