What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
