i think my tv is drunk
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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