It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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