so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
