I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
