Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
