do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
