Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
