it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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