so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
