is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
