i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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