nut hugger
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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