I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
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all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
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The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
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