The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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