So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
