you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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