i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
