Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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