man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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