I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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