Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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