end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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