I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
barbara walters just said penis...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
