I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
