i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
