you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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