...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
