WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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