I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
