i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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