whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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