Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
