Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
