Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
