She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
